The Lone Dining Society: a three volume shovel

This is my first book. This is also the first blog post that wasn‘t created by A.I. (on this new website) - yet I hasten to add, for any sceptics that the book was completely written by a human being: myself, and mostly written by hand into several lovely bound notebooks with a pencil. This brought it‘s own challenges, as I found when transferring my scribbles to digital form, I sometimes could hardly read my own writing.

It‘s quite a long book, running at 524 or so pages (depending on the format). But I‘m hoping at least a few people, or even one, may make it to the end. For those that are unaware of the average size of novels, it‘s about three times as long; so it‘s like a trilogy all bound into one book. So if you buy it, you will certainly get value for money, (e-book is only €7) of course value is also subject to the eye of the reader.

This is an A.I. generated image, well what can I say, I can‘t afford an artist with all my legal bills. I only have €620 left in my account. So curse me for not supporting artists if you like… (p.s. I‘m an artist, perhaps someone could support me..)

I plan (when I can afford it of course) to print a run of beautiful hard book copies, which will make it possible for me to sign should the desire arise, or for people that detest the book, then one can burn it ceremoniously over a chilled glass of crémant, for a fully cathartic experience. Although I have to warn that I will deliberately print it on particularly starchy and rough paper, so any attempts to use the paper in any delicate areas will only end in soreness.

Although I did have one offer in England to publish the book (I‘m not even sure if they read it, as they referred to it as a short story: and I think it was one of these publishers where the author pays for production and they make money off that), I decided that actually no reputable publishing house would ever publish this work. Not in the present climate. It is after all an unashamedly anti-woke and anti-globalist novel.

The idea for the story started about three or perhaps four years ago, and I would tinker with it for a while before becoming depressed and thinking, „What a pile of crap“ before abandoning it. I would occasionally go back to it, but I never got past the third chapter.

Then after watching a towering pile of YouTube videos on writing, one of which said „Just write the effing book, no on has to read it!“ I told myself those exact words and I just couldn‘t stop writing.

Every hour I had I would write. I‘d get an hour early to work and write, I would write in my lunch breaks, in the morning, in my spare time, in the middle of the night. I was a man obsessed. And it took me around four months to finish it (complete with typing into the computer and some editing).

It was for me a very cathartic experience on many levels. It deals with loss, frustration, love, hate and above all humour. It is after all meant to be funny, although it dips into the abyss along the way (I didn‘t see that coming: sometimes stories seem to have a mind of their own).

It‘s set in a parallel world very similar to ours, and it has to be said, it is very silly. Like me. I am after all, in the words of the Süddeutsche Zeitung, „…a clown..“.

It also deals with something that I am very passionate about: free speech, and the right to believe and hold one‘s own opinions, societal, religious or political. And the courage one must have to hold one‘s convictions and go against the consensus, even when your friends abandon you. It‘s a hard life. But it‘s compelling, I find.

I‘m afraid for my (mainland) European friends and enemies, it is available currently only in English (or my version of English: I made up quite a few words), but plans to translate it first into German, then Bavarian are underway.

Why „a three volume shovel“?

Why a three volume shovel, you may ask? Well, I‘m afraid you have to read it to find out: but if you are a fan of the late great Oscar Wilde and his genius play „The Importance of Being Earnest“ you might find a smile creeping onto your face as the tale unfolds.

Well, I sit here, in probably the most beautiful part of the world (aside from the Cotswolds) writing this blog after having consumed a full english breakfast and having helped my flatmate Natalie take a shower (it‘s not what you think), but I really have to get on with: 1) Sorting out my legal things and 2) correcting all the mistakes still in the e-book version ready for the physical print.

So, if you‘re curious and don‘t mind a novel with a few errors still and have at least €7 in your bank account then perhaps pop on over to where you can buy this very silly and long novel (almost without pictures (I created the front cover myself - I am after all an artist, just not a very commercially succesful one (yet))).

HERE IS THE LINK TO „The Lone Dining Society: A three volume shovel“

Thanks for reading.

Cheers,

Ian Anthony Chapman

I got a make-over...